Once it’s gone, it’s gone. This saying is very
relevant when it comes to seizing opportunities and overcoming self-doubt.
Those everyday opportunities; perhaps a chance to
present your opinion, to say what you think or to ask your question. These
opportunities are the ones I find are missed most often.
So many people struggle when it comes to speaking up
and saying what they think. They know what they want to say but they just can’t
get the words out. Self-doubt is stopping them and before they know it the
opportunity has been missed. The time has passed and once it’s gone… it’s gone.
Does this situation sound familiar?
You’re in a work meeting, classroom, at a social event…. You
have a valid question or point to make. You formulate your thoughts (usually
word for word) in your head. You know exactly what you want to say. You know it
makes sense. You’re even confident in your mind that you’re right. The words
are literally on the tip of your tongue.
In your head, you repeat what you want to say. You know your
point or question is a good one. You start thinking about what will happen when
you speak. A voice in your head is saying… what if I’m wrong, what if my point
is irrelevant, what if I get asked a difficult question… what if… what if… Then, it’s too late.
The time has passed. The conversation has already moved on.
Or, even worse, someone else has made the exact same point you wanted to make
(and taken the credit). How frustrating. That could have been you.
For some people this may happen several times a day. The
more it happens, the harder it is to break free from that nagging voice in your
head.
That nagging voice which makes you question yourself. Makes
you question your own knowledge and ability. That nagging voice is called
self-doubt.
Self-doubt plagues us all. It’s only natural to question
ourselves from time to time. But when you continually let it stop you doing or
saying the things you know you should, it becomes a mental barrier to gaining
self-confidence.
Once you start questioning yourself in your head, you’ve
entered a Danger Zone. Your aim is stop yourself entering this Danger Zone. You
need to avoid the “what ifs” at all costs. Overcoming self-doubt is essential
if you want to speak up and sound confident.
So how can you do that? The good news is that overcoming
self-doubt is possible. Here are 6 tips that will help:
1. Tell yourself you know more than
you think.
Ask yourself… when was the last time someone questioned your
opinion? When were you last wrong? Whenever I ask this question to people who
doubt themselves, there’s a silence. They can’t think of a situation. It’s
irrational to make the assumption you’re wrong if you can’t remember it
happening before.
2. Prepare yourself for the voice that will try to stop you.
Forewarned is for forearmed as they say. If you know
you’re about to enter the Danger Zone, you are aware that the ‘voice’ is
waiting to hijack you. You’ll be in a stronger position to stop it. Be
super-aware the next time you sense self-doubt creeping in, and then literally
exclude the voice. Do not allow it a say in the matter. Block out the “what
ifs.”
3. Don’t wait for someone to invite you to get involved or share your thoughts.
People who doubt themselves often expect an invitation
to speak. If you have something to say, say it. Don’t overthink it. You have as
much right to speak as anyone else. Remind yourself that people will respect
you more for sharing your thoughts.
4. Know how you look and sound.
If you make use of your voice, facial expressions and
hands it will make a huge difference to how you come across to people. You can
project confidence by making some small adjustments. Being able to control how
you look and sound will boost your confidence and encourage you to speak up.
5. Consider the worst case scenario.
Think to yourself – “what’s the worst that can
happen?” Is it really going to be that bad? If you doubt yourself, your default
position will be to expect the worst. Counteract this by trying to think of the
last time something catastrophic happened as a result of you doing or saying
something. It’s unlikely you’ll be able to recall such a catastrophe. Your
imagination is fooling you.
6. Stop past failures getting in your way.
Squeeze what you can from any failures you’ve had and
then set them aside. Bad memories are often the reason why you stop yourself
doing things. You can’t expel these experiences from your mind completely but
with disciplined thinking, you should be able to put them to the back of your
mind so that they don’t interfere with your decision making.
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ADVICE